What to do for effective communication?

I remember my parent’s advice while I was in college. My parents used to tell me that these are the most amazing years of your life. So don’t spend it just studying or just enjoying. You have to find an equilibrium. I never took those advices seriously and now I regret about it.

But that is not the problem. The most difficult situation lies ahead. If future, many years later, the same situation will occur and at that time I want the advices to be taken seriously. I will be telling the same exact thing to my children and the most difficult job is to make them understand. I have to use some other method for effective communication. May be this blog might help. If this blog persists till that time, I will make my children read this collection and I hope they understand the gravity of the situation.

I will indeed post the advices eventually…….

Effective Punishments……

The other day I was watching a movie “Jaago”. It is a bollywood flick about a family, fighting against the rapist of their 9 year old child. The end of the movie actually took my attention. The rapist brutally assault the girl and she dies. The rapist gets a death sentence and everyone is satisfied with the justice but me. I did not feel that the justice prevails over the crime. I some how agrees with the Saudi Arabia’s practice for justice. In Saudi Arabia, the law is very simple. “An eye for an eye” is the mantra and it works and is effective. Let me explain.

Lets talk about the 2001 terrorist attack on Indian Parliament. Mohammad Afzal is the convict and death sentence is awarded to him for his terrorist activity. But it has been years and yet he is not yet hanged. Lot of people wants him to be hanged but I am of the different opinion. Don’t hang people and kill them. Make them suffer for their ungodly activities. Mohammad Afzal is in jail and is dying every day. This punishment is way more effective than killing the person in a moment. In one of his interview, he begged for death !!!!!

The same theory can be applied to rapists, murders, theives, dacoits and all other criminals. Currently, according to the Indian Penal code, a rapists gets a 7 year rigorous imprisonment or at most a life imprisonment. Is that punishment enough? The victim of a rape goes through such a mental and physical trauma that this punishment is not enough according to the convicted crime. There should be a different punishment something which is with the culprit for its entire life. For e.g. both the hands or legs of the rapist should be amputated or some surgery to force him to be a celibate. These punishments are so intense that a person will think twice before committing any felony.

I know these punishments are inhuman but are these culprits human? Do they deserve to be treated like human? What kind of human rapes a 9 year old or what kind of human performs a mass homicide. If we have such punishments in force then I believe that the crime rate will fall drastically. Even if the law system is flawed, the grave punishments will make the system effective. If these punishments are awarded to few culprits, others will fear about it and will think before any felony.

Don’t kill culprits… Let them live and suffer……

A STORY……..

I stumbled upon this story…

As the dream of most parents I had acquired a degree in Software Engineering and joined a company based in USA , the land of braves and opportunity. When I arrived in the USA , it was as if a dream had come true.

Here at last I was in the place where I want to be. I decided I would be staying in this country for about Five years in which time I would have earned enough money to settle down in India . My father was a Government employee and after his retirement, the only asset he could acquire was a decent one bedroom flat.

I wanted to do some thing more than him. I started feeling homesick and lonely as the time passed. I used to call home and speak to my parents every week using cheap international phone cards. Two years passed, two years of Burgers at McDonald’s and pizzas and discos and 2 years watching the foreign exchange rate getting happy whenever the Rupee value went down.

Finally I decided to get married. Told my parents that I have only 10 days of holidays and everything must be done within these 10 days. I got my ticket booked in the cheapest flight. Was jubilant and was actually enjoying hopping for gifts for all my friends back home. If I miss anyone then there will be talks. After reaching home I spent one week going through all the photographs of girls and as the time was getting shorter I was forced to select one candidate.

The in-laws told me, to my surprise, that I would have to get married in 2-3 days, as I will not get anymore holidays. After the marriage, it was time to return to USA , after giving some money to my parents and telling the neighbors to look after them, we returned to USA .

My wife enjoyed this country for about two months and then she started feeling lonely. The frequency of calling India increased to twice in a week sometimes 3 times a week. Our savings started diminishing. After two more years we started to have kids. Two lovely kids, a boy and a girl, were gifted to us by the almighty. Every time I spoke to my parents, they asked me to come to India so that they can see their grand children.

Every year I decided to go to India … But work and monetary conditions prevented it. Years went by and visiting India was a distant dream. Then suddenly one day I got a message that my parents were seriously sick. I tried but I couldn’t get any holidays and thus could not go to India… The next message I got was my parents had passed away and as there was no one to do the last rites, the society members had done whatever they could. I was depressed. My parents passed away without seeing their son and grand children.

After couple more years passed away, much to my children’s dislike and my wife’s joy, we returned to India to settle down. I started to look for a suitable property, but to my dismay my savings were short and the property prices had gone up during all these years. I had to return to the US…

My wife refused to come back with me and my children refused to  stay in India …. My 2 children and I returned to USA , after promising my wife I would be back for good after two years.

Time passed by, my daughter decided to get married to an American and my son was happy living in USA … I decided that I had enough and wound up every thing and returned to India … I had just enough money to buy a decent 02 bedroom flat in a well-developed locality.

….Now I am 60 years old and the only time I go out of the flat is for the routine visit to the nearby temple. My faithful wife has also left me and gone to the holy abode.

Sometimes I wonder, was it worth all this? My father, even after staying in India, had a house to his name and I too have  the same, nothing more. I lost my parents and children for just ONE EXTRA BEDROOM.

Looking out from the window I see a lot of children dancing. This damn cable TV has spoiled our new generation and these children are losing their values and culture because of it. I get occasional cards from my children asking if I am alright. Well, at least they remember me.

Now perhaps after I die it will be the neighbors who will be performing my last rites too, God Bless them. But the question still remains, was all this worth it?’

I am still searching for an answer…… ……… ..!!!

Obsession….!!!

I am inspired by my friend to write a blog on obsession…..  My list may not be long but it is peculiar…..

• I cannot see electricity and water being wasted. No matter how much pain I am in, I always switch off the lights when not in use. The same applies to water too… (There is no need to keep the water running while brushing teeth… Please avoid it)

• Every thing has a place and I like to see things in their designated places. Suppose an article is misplaced (e.g. nail-cutter, pillow or vacuum cleaner) then I feel it is talking to me and pleading me to put it in its designated place.

• I am extremely obsessed and passionate for Mahabharat. I watch it any time of the day. Mahabharat is something which is directly connected to my heart.

• I just cannot waste food. I strive to finish everything that I cook or order. And when I see people waste food, it just kills me.

• I cannot break traffic rules. These rules are for our safety and there is no fun in breaking them. Infact breaking the traffic rules adds to the chaos. I wish I can do some thing about Pune drivers……

• I am obsessed with correcting people. If I see someone doing a wrong thing, I cannot stop myself correcting him/her. ( I know I shouldn’t be doing that. Working to improve myself…..)

“MY” LIFE……………??????

Currently, I have nothing much to do in life and so I spend most of my time analyzing my life.  I analyze the trajectory of mylife, various decisions in my life and the consequences of these results.

I will present my analysis in the chronological order:

I was born 26 years ago with no understanding about life. For the first 5 years, I was pampered and enjoyed my childhood at home. At the age of 6, I was admitted into a school. I was frightened, sad and gloomy about the fact that I have to spend my day away from my family. Over a period of time, it turned out to be a routine and I accepted it. Next 12 years, I spent in school. During this time, I was enjoying my life as a student. I made friends. I studied, played games, fought with my friends, fought with my family members, enjoyed vacations, enjoyed game breaks during the school time. During this time, I was just learning about my surrounding. After 12 years, I had to go for junior college.  During the 2 years of junior college, I just studied. After my junior college, I started looking for a good Engineering college. I got into an amazing Engineering college where I just enjoyed my life. I did study but that wasn’t the priority. I just managed to get my degree and then immediately after my graduation joined a company. I worked for almost 15 months and decided for higher education. I came to US for my masters and the next 2 years was busy with my college and the new surrounding. Then at the end of it, I managed to end up with a job and now I am working for that company since 6 months.

This is my life in a nutshell. Well, everything looks good with my life and the path I chose. I am sitting in US enjoying all the comforts.  So what went wrong and why is this post???

The answer to it is not that simple. I do not know whether my life path is good or bad but just wondering whether the path was selected by me or not. Did I ever sat down and chose the path I want to follow? And the answer to that question is “no”.  From schooling to my master’s, I never seriously sat down and thought about my life’s trajectory. I was busy with my school, college, engineering college, job, masters and again job. One event triggered another and I started moving along the trajectory. I always wondered, what would have happen, if I had taken some time off  for myself and thought about the way I want to lead my life. Would I have landed in the same place or in a better one?

I know that this is the story of most of the individuals and many of them will not agree with me.  Most of us have been going with the flow without even thinking. It was as if some one had discovered this path and we all are following that person. We never gave a thought about discovering a path for ourself.

My late grandfather was so correct. He had once said me….” Take some break… You have been busy with studies for a long time….. Do not join the company immediately after Engineering…. Take a break, travel, see the world and then decide…..”.

I should have done that.

Hilarious Email

I am in the midst of the arrange marriage process and wanted to share a hilarious email from me. This was the email I sent to the first prospect I was chatting with. Initially, I thought I am matured but over time I realized how hilarious this email was. I bet the girl must have laughed and enjoyed it a lot. But I guess it is the part of the process; you err, you understand and you mature.

So enjoy this post and laugh you a** off……

Background:
The girl asks me a simple question about my understanding of a life partner and my answer never ends…

Ideas about my life partner:

1) Family : I feel this is a job done by both the partners. Husband and wife are equally responsible for managing the family even if it is a joint family. I do not expect that my life partner will have answers to the questions regarding the family. I am fine if she doesn’t know cooking, I am fine if she doesn’t know the traditions and customs, I am fine if she doesn’t have enough idea on how to manage a family. I feel that all these can be learned over a period of time. Family is important, very important, but I cannot be mean and expect my life partner to take all the measures to keep them happy. I feel it is a team (husband-wife) job. In fact, a guy should take more responsibility as the girl is completely new to the family.

2) Career: I expect my life partner to be opportunist not a materialist. I expect my life partner to be intelligent enough to understand if I decide to move to Africa. ( with a consideration that I am not insane and take some random decisions. But infact there is a good opportunity to progress). I am pretty much sure about one thing, my life partner is never going to sit at home and watch all the soap operas by Ekta Kapoor.

3) Understanding: I know this is a very big idea. No one can define this word but still everyone uses this. I expect one thing from my life partner, she should be open minded. She should listen to what everyone around is saying or suggesting and then take a wise decision. She should not be adamant about her decisions. She should have understanding enough to know the situations and decide when to stick to her decision and when to forget about her decision.

4) I expect that my life partner should not forget her life. As per me, a marriage is a process where two individuals come together and combine their lives. Generally, the girl forgets her life, her friends, her hobbies and accept the boy’s life. I want my life partner to live her life and ask me to join her and vice verse.

5) I expect my life partner to understand the importance of space. I expect that at least one part of my life should not be interfered by her and one part of her’s life will not be interfered by me. May be that part be the work life. It means that, I expect my life partner to be from a different profession than me so that we both have enough space and lot of topics to talk about.

As per me, the girl should be adorned and adored because she is going to be a part of new family. It is the guy’s responsibility to make sure that the transitions is smooth without friction. The guy should make sure that he cover’s up for her when she commits a mistake during the transitions. The guy should make sure that she is pampered when it is required. The girl goes through a big change and it is his responsibility to make it look small. ( high fundu, right???)

For me, the most important factor for deciding my life partner is “ATTITUDE”. Again, I know that his is a big word and a book can be written on this but I will try to describe it in the traits of a person.

She should be positive minded. She should be always emitting positive vibes. She should be charming and a constant smile on her face. She should not be complaining. She should be the one to find solution for any problem in life instead of complaining to me. She should always be helping. She should be confident enough to tell me if I am wrong. She should be good enough to make her point without starting a fight. The most important of all ” She should be open to learn”
( Don’t worry, I am not mad )

I know I am asking too much and you must be wondering if I possess any of these? I do possess some of them but I strive to possess all of them. I am still learning and I believe one day I will possess all.

Don’t get judgmental as I told you, it is hilarious for me too…. I am glad that I understand my mistake pretty early and did not have the same conversation with any  other  girl……

Sadist? Matured? Practical?…… Who am I?

It has been a while, I did not post anything. I was extremely busy in the things around me and did not get time to post. Actually, I did not have any topic to talk about and was waiting for one. Finally after a long wait, I got one.

At one of the usual party, one of my friend offered me a drink and I was reluctant to have it. He had a statement which really made me wonder of what people think about me. He said “Have it dude… You have many sorrows and suffering hidden in yourself and drinking will help it to come out.” I started wondering, which of my actions had that impression on him. After a while I realized that for him, all the people who drink and enjoy are the ones who enjoy their life and the ones who do not drink are sadist with dark secrets. I was amazed about the perception people can have for the same activity. For him, all who drink and enjoy are the cool dudes with amazing personality and ready to f**k life and on top of this, drinking should be part of every party and group activity. That was his attitude. For me, it is all together different. For me, if a person always needs alcohol to enjoy life then that person has some serious problems. It means, that person is so upset and unhappy when he is conscious that he needs some sedatives to come out of the guilt. I was just amazed to find these two different perspectives for the same situation. I don’t care who is right and who is wrong but now it gets really difficult to behave when there are many people around you. Because you never know, which actions will be perceived in which way.

This means, at any point of time, you cannot impress all the audiences around you. There will be some who will praise you and some who will be critics.

Recently, I was given an adjective by my friends. According to them, I am the most sadist person on the Earth. If anyone talks to me, he will be depressed with his life and might want to end his life. Again, I really do not know what gave them this impression. I am going to talk about some actions which might have made them to develop that impression for me.

1) People around me enjoy watching a movie together at a friend’s place and I seriously do not enjoy it. I have done it a million times while I was in India and it is no more fun for me. I think it is an activity which can be done some times but not always. I am more matured now and I feel this is an activity which I used to do in my college time.

2) The definition of party for my friends is to drink and drink and drink and seriously I cannot enjoy it every time. It is fun only once to get drunk, fun for some times to see others getting drunk but I cannot do it every time. And I guess, I gave my reasons for this behavior.

3) People around me wants to do the same exact things that they are doing since decades and yet they call me sadist. No one is ready to try new things, no one is ready to make an attempt to leave their comfort zone and most of them are not yet matured enough to understand the various phases in life.

Anyways, I get this a lot of time and I seriously think that the problem is at my end. Either I am too matured for the audiences around me or I seriously do not know how to communicate with people. I keep on talking the same thing with everyone irrespective of the ability of the person to comprehend me. I guess, this is the time to change. From today, I am going to try to change my topics depending on the person I am communicating with. If the person is matured then I will have a matured conversation else I will behave like the other person. There is no point in showing your maturity to a person who is incapable to comprehend it.

Marriage or a business deal????

Lately, my parents are very eager to see me get married. So they send me contact information of prospective brides so that I can talk to them and make a decision. I was very fond of arrange marriages until I actually had to experience the entire process.

My parents expects me to contact the prospective brides, chat with them, understand them and see if there is any match. But infact the conversation turns out to be very different. I keep on adding my requirements, my ideas and understanding of a life partner and the process is repeated by the girl, I am talking to. We come up with our requirements and see if there is any way we can settle for some intermediate conditions. We have our arguments, ideologies, philosophies and perspective towards our life. It is so difficult to explain it to a stranger and expects the stranger to understand it and agree with it. I feel like I am having a business deal instead of a marriage proposal.

I always thought that a marriage is possible if you see love in the relationship. But while talking to the girls, I feel there is everything but love. Me as well as the girl is interested in our personal life and we forgot that love is an indispensable part of a marriage. A marriage can be successful without knowing the education of the partners. It can be successful without concentrating on the region to settle in the future. It can be successful without knowing the ways how the partners spend their free time. But in fact it cannot be successful without LOVE.

I am weary of all these questions and answers. I want to fall in LOVE and then get married. I want to experience the magical exuberance of being in LOVE. Finally, I just want to have a marriage and no business propositions.

*************************Update********************************************
I wasn’t clear enough to explain what I really meant by LOVE so this update.

l am still going to meet all the prospects my parents are going to decide but I am not going to put forth my requirements. I am going to see, how the communication goes? How do we talk? How well do we connect? How is her sense of humor and the most important thing did I enjoy talking to her? Do I want to talk more? And based on all these, I am going to decide whether she is the right girl or not.

**************************************************************************
Some one told me once, when the right person is in front of you, you instantaneously say “YES” for the marriage without even asking any questions. I hope it is true and I experience the same thing.

Never ever…….

Today, I learned an important lesson in my life. While giving advice to anyone about a situation you been through, always convey the universal thing or the most common solution instead of a better solution based on your experience.

For e.g. — I did my master’s in Computer Science from USC and till date I never recommended doing master’s to anyone. I feel it was a bad decision and I want that people around me should not do the same mistake I did. But from today, I am going to recommend everyone for Masters. It is because, this is what they want to listen and from today I am going to be a good person and not a bad one(I become bad by telling my true feelings and honest opinions.)

It took some time for me to understand this but finally I got it…..

My situation…

Once upon a time, a poultry farmer found an Eagle’s egg in the wild. He brought the egg and kept in with the the hen’s egg in the poultry. After some days, all the eggs were hatched and the eagle’s offspring started living with the chickens. The eagle couldn’t relate itself to the chickens around but still it continued to live. It used to get enough food, water, shelter but still some thing was missing in it’s life. With time, the chickens turned into hens and the eagle offspring turned into full grown eagle.

On day, there was a storm and all the chickens and hens were frightened and boisterous. But the eagle was enjoying the weather. It suddenly glanced over the sky and found another eagle flying up in the sky. That was the time when the eagle realized it’s horizons and in no time it flew up in the sky without looking back. The eagle was finally happy….

Like the eagle, even I am waiting for the storm…….