Are marriages made in Heaven???

The story starts back in August 2009.

I chatted with her for the first time in August 2009. The chat was normal, just introduction of each other, sharing some information and the first step was successful. After couple of days, I talked to her and that was the turning point of our conversation. A theory before the story, when two individuals who haven’t met before and are unknown entity to each other starts chatting, there is a high probability of misunderstanding. The second chat kind of proves this theory. While chatting, I said something in one perspective and she took it in another. So at the end of the chat, her idea about me – egoistic, self centric, narcissist and condescending. According to her, I am the guy who feels great about himself because he is in US. And the funny part, I had no clue.

After some days, my family updated me that there was some problem and she refused the proposal and I was indicted for the problem. I was comfortable about her decision and I accepted it but wanted to know the reasons because as per me, we never actually talked to indict anyone. We had some email exchanges and sorted out the whole misunderstanding. I don’t understand why did we sort it because generally in arrange marriages, you make the decision and move on. You do not justify your decision to the girl/boy and at the same time do not ask for any justification. It wasn’t a good start as we started with a misunderstanding. I wasn’t hopeful of the entire situation and I think even she had the same view.

In Dec 2009, I went to India for a visit and was supposed to meet few girls during my trip. For the last 6 months, I wasn’t in contact with her, wasn’t even aware whether she is still single or not. In India, my father updated me that we might meet her if time permits. Based on our history, I wasn’t excited about the meet but still wanted to meet her. Finally in the last week of December, I met her. The meeting was fun and different. I was rigorously tested by her family. All the jokes were targeted towards me and she was enjoying it. She wanted to teach me a lesson as she was furious on me. She wanted to prove that it is not a big deal if you live in US. But I was oblivious to all this. I was just enjoying the time. I enjoyed the jokes targeted towards me. I felt like I was surrounded by friends. But there was a problem, she never directly talked to me properly. She was tensed, awkward and couldn’t even look at me. So the meeting ended without any decision.

I was back to US and got busy with my life. After some time, I started chatting with her again. I guess she realized that her perception about me was wrong. So now, our chats were pretty normal and standard. We used to talk about her brother’s marriage. Her brother was getting married in a month or so and we talked about the shopping, preparations, celebrations etc. So it was just a talk with no outcome. Time passed and still there was no outcome. It is wrong to keep anyone waiting and I was aware of this rule but some how I was incapable to make any decision. I thought next time I chat with her, I will come up with a decision.

In April 2010, I asked her to talk to me instead of chatting. We talked for about 2 hours on skype which instigated my proclivity towards her. After couple of days, we talked again on Skype for about 4 hours and this time, I made the decision. I realized that she is the one. I talked to my parents about my decision and updated her with the same. She replied that she is still confused and need some time to make a decision.

She almost took one month to decide. Those 30 days were really awful. I was talking to her intermittently. I never called her because I did not want to influence her decision. At the other end, my parents were getting restless. They are like, why its taking so long and some how they couldn’t comprehend the situation and the worst part is, I couldn’t explain them either. So I was the target once again. They had to get through their frustration and I was the target for them. At one stage, I was so frustrated that I felt like calling her and telling her just to forget about everything and we both move on with our life. Once my frustration receded, my logical mind started working and it did not allow me to take such a foolish action.

Anyways, the end result is what matters. She finally thought that I am worth her companionship and she agreed to marry me. That was 16th May 2010. When I trace back through all these events, I realized that Marriages are really made in heaven!!!


Hilarious Email

I am in the midst of the arrange marriage process and wanted to share a hilarious email from me. This was the email I sent to the first prospect I was chatting with. Initially, I thought I am matured but over time I realized how hilarious this email was. I bet the girl must have laughed and enjoyed it a lot. But I guess it is the part of the process; you err, you understand and you mature.

So enjoy this post and laugh you a** off……

The girl asks me a simple question about my understanding of a life partner and my answer never ends…

Ideas about my life partner:

1) Family : I feel this is a job done by both the partners. Husband and wife are equally responsible for managing the family even if it is a joint family. I do not expect that my life partner will have answers to the questions regarding the family. I am fine if she doesn’t know cooking, I am fine if she doesn’t know the traditions and customs, I am fine if she doesn’t have enough idea on how to manage a family. I feel that all these can be learned over a period of time. Family is important, very important, but I cannot be mean and expect my life partner to take all the measures to keep them happy. I feel it is a team (husband-wife) job. In fact, a guy should take more responsibility as the girl is completely new to the family.

2) Career: I expect my life partner to be opportunist not a materialist. I expect my life partner to be intelligent enough to understand if I decide to move to Africa. ( with a consideration that I am not insane and take some random decisions. But infact there is a good opportunity to progress). I am pretty much sure about one thing, my life partner is never going to sit at home and watch all the soap operas by Ekta Kapoor.

3) Understanding: I know this is a very big idea. No one can define this word but still everyone uses this. I expect one thing from my life partner, she should be open minded. She should listen to what everyone around is saying or suggesting and then take a wise decision. She should not be adamant about her decisions. She should have understanding enough to know the situations and decide when to stick to her decision and when to forget about her decision.

4) I expect that my life partner should not forget her life. As per me, a marriage is a process where two individuals come together and combine their lives. Generally, the girl forgets her life, her friends, her hobbies and accept the boy’s life. I want my life partner to live her life and ask me to join her and vice verse.

5) I expect my life partner to understand the importance of space. I expect that at least one part of my life should not be interfered by her and one part of her’s life will not be interfered by me. May be that part be the work life. It means that, I expect my life partner to be from a different profession than me so that we both have enough space and lot of topics to talk about.

As per me, the girl should be adorned and adored because she is going to be a part of new family. It is the guy’s responsibility to make sure that the transitions is smooth without friction. The guy should make sure that he cover’s up for her when she commits a mistake during the transitions. The guy should make sure that she is pampered when it is required. The girl goes through a big change and it is his responsibility to make it look small. ( high fundu, right???)

For me, the most important factor for deciding my life partner is “ATTITUDE”. Again, I know that his is a big word and a book can be written on this but I will try to describe it in the traits of a person.

She should be positive minded. She should be always emitting positive vibes. She should be charming and a constant smile on her face. She should not be complaining. She should be the one to find solution for any problem in life instead of complaining to me. She should always be helping. She should be confident enough to tell me if I am wrong. She should be good enough to make her point without starting a fight. The most important of all ” She should be open to learn”
( Don’t worry, I am not mad )

I know I am asking too much and you must be wondering if I possess any of these? I do possess some of them but I strive to possess all of them. I am still learning and I believe one day I will possess all.

Don’t get judgmental as I told you, it is hilarious for me too…. I am glad that I understand my mistake pretty early and did not have the same conversation with any¬† other¬† girl……